I Trust in Myself to Make the Right Choices

Y’all Remember That David Banner Song That Came Out Back In ‘08? The One With Chris Brown & Yung Joc? Y’all Know The One..Stuntin', Stuntin' Is A Habit, Get Like Me Lol Well, Second Guessing Myself Is A Habit, And Not One That I Like To Brag About And Advertise. Being A Young, Fat, Black Woman Of This World, If You Are Self Assured And Confident, You Get Labeled As A Bitch. Or ‘independent’ Is A Label Slapped On Your Forehead And Used As A Backhanded Compliment To Rob You Of Any Softness And Vulnerability. 

It Seems To Be A Label That Grants Others An All Access Pass To Disregard Any Opposing Feelings, Emotions, And Needs That You May Experience. There Are So Many Narratives Floating Around About Women Who *Gasp* Can Think And Make Decisions For Themselves. It’s Tiring….Negro Spiritual Tiring. 

Y’all Know I’m An Empath. Unfortunately, As Much As I Hate It, That Leads Me To Find And Give So Many More Fucks Than I Like To Admit. Subconsciously, I Do Care About How I’m Perceived By Others. We Talked About This Already. But It’s 2022, And I’m Tired. I’m Tired Of Caring, Tired Of The Anxiety Attacks, Tired Of The Hyper Awareness Of Perception And Social Narratives. It’s Time For Me To Do Me With No Apologies…and That Requires Me To Trust Myself. 

For Me, Trusting In Myself Requires A Little Faith, Trust, And Pixie Dust. It Requires Me To Put Aside That Automatic Switch In Me That Tends To Anticipate The Needs And Conveniences Of Others Before My Own. It Requires Discipline And A Whole Lot Of Willful Selfishness. All Of Which I Had Been Hesitant To Choose…until Now. I’ve Made An Abundance Of Amazing Choices And Decisions Lately. Choosing Myself, Saying ‘no’ To North Carolina, Choosing Therapy, Choosing To Forgive Isaiah, Choosing Faith & Confidence, Choosing The Life Path That Makes Me Happy, Choosing To Nourish My Soul And Everything That Makes Me Divinely Me. 

I’ve Learned That In The Future, I Should Simply Choose To Trust Myself. I Simply Have To Trust My Discernment, Look At All My Options, And Then Choose The Best Option For Myself And No One Else.